Miko Fogarty left her corps position at Birmingham Royal Ballet to pursue a college degree. Sonata Dancewear, Courtesy Fogarty.

Saying Goodbye to Ballet: How to Cope When You Reach a Turning Point

"I was living my dream, but I wasn't happy," recalls Alexandra Pullen. Since starting ballet at age 5, the Chicago native aspired to join American Ballet Theatre and dance the roles her mother, Ellen Krafft, had performed there a generation before. And she achieved it: Fast-tracked from the ABT Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School to the Studio Company, and then to the main company, by 20 she'd performed her mother's parts in Giselle and Don Quixote, toured the world, and attended galas and New York Fashion Week. And she was miserable.

"I was like, 'How could I be unhappy? I'm taking barre next to Isabella Boylston,' " recalls Pullen, now 24. But anxiety, depression, body-image issues and the sheer grind of professional life took their toll. She left ABT for Colorado Ballet, thinking that she'd feel less stressed in a smaller company, but after two years there she quit altogether. "I was like, 'My love for ballet is not worth constantly feeling 'not enough.' "

Countless dancers find themselves at a crossroads when they question whether they still love dance, whether the sacrifices are worth it or whether a professional career is truly what they want—or truly possible. We spoke with three dancers who faced this crucial turning point and achieved the right balance of ballet in their lives.

Alexandra Pullen felt apprehensive telling others that she was quitting dance. Shelly Xu, Courtesy Pullen.

A Body Betrayed

Miko Fogarty was one of the world's most famous teen ballerinas when she seemed to disappear from the public eye. A breakout star of the 2011 documentary First Position at age 12, she boasted a massive social-media following that tracked her from competitions in Varna and Moscow to galas in Indonesia, and she signed a corps contract with Birmingham Royal Ballet in 2015.

Her fans noticed she'd stopped posting on Instagram in 2017, but they had no idea what was really going on: Already enduring anxiety and depression, she was uncomfortable sharing that she'd left the company to pursue college. Additionally, Fogarty had developed disordered eating after going through a late puberty. "The pressure of being slim was really hard. I thought my body was disgusting," Fogarty, now 22, says candidly. "One of the reasons I stopped ballet is I knew I would never be satisfied with myself mentally and physically in that career."

Toby Diamond, PhD, the consulting psychologist for Pacific Northwest Ballet School, notes that this kind of perfectionism, even at top levels of ballet, can be problematic. "With perfectionism and rigid thinking, you lose the fun and the joy," she says.

Julia McColligan, 22, experienced body issues of a different sort. She thrived on the intense training during her seven years at Manhattan Youth Ballet, but broke her ankle falling out of a pirouette midway through her freshman year of high school, and then developed tendonitis in both ankles. "I watched younger people pass me," she says, which set her back mentally. McColligan was back onstage for the year-end performance and rededicated herself to training. "I was hoping there was some way of fulfilling my dream of becoming a professional," she recalls. "But in my senior year I realized that wasn't going to work out—I couldn't put such strain on my body for the next 10 years. It took a lot of mental training to get my head around the fact that this was gonna be a new chapter in my life."

Julia McColligan, shown here in Manhattan Youth Ballet's The Knickerbocker Suite, realized in high school that a professional dance career was unlikely. Erin Baiano, Courtesy McColligan.

Is There More to Life Than Ballet?

Throughout her years at MYB, McColligan attended her local public high school in New Jersey and commuted to Manhattan for ballet classes. "My parents and I decided that I should have a life separate from the arts," she says. "On the occasional Friday, I would miss class and go to a football game with my friends." Along with providing a balanced social life and expanding her perspective, she says, "that experience made it easier to transition to college and basically start a brand-new life."

Pullen and Fogarty, on the other hand, were homeschooled for part of their education, which allowed them to devote all their time to dancing—at a price. "I never got to explore other things, I never had the chance to understand what being a full person is," says Pullen. Even basic chores were new to her. When she got a post-ballet barista job, she says, "I had to mop for the first time. Growing up, my mom never had me do chores. She was like, 'Her body is her instrument.' "

The desire for a varied, well-rounded life is only natural, says Diamond. "There are so many reasons why students give up dance, and most of them are very healthy ones," she says. And she's heard them all: "Your body doesn't want to go any further, you become bored, there are other things that you want to do." Talent, she says, has little to do with it: "Sometimes very, very talented dancers do not choose this career. They have other things that they're interested in, and ballet just takes up too much space."

Victoria Mazzarelli, artistic director of The Nutmeg Ballet Conservatory, hopes students will be open-minded—and realistic. "Ballet can be a very difficult career," says Mazzarelli, who danced with the Basel Ballet and Frankfurt Ballet. "As dancers get a little older and they get more experience, it gives them a different sense of where they want to go with their life." The Nutmeg policy is to encourage seniors to apply to college in addition to auditioning for companies and pre-professional programs.

Miko Fogarty is now studying integrative biology at University of California, Berkeley. Chloe Veltman/KQED, Courtesy Fogarty.

Breaking the News

It can be daunting to tell parents, friends, teachers and artistic directors that you're considering making a change. "My mom drove me to all those lessons, she taught me all those privates," Pullen recalls. "She was like, 'You're wasting your talent.' "

However, "a student should never feel like they are letting anyone down should they decide not to continue dancing," says Mazzarelli. "It's okay to want to do other things, and it's important to say that for yourself."

That said, leaving ballet can feel like a major loss, and it's okay to grieve. "After my last performance with MYB, I cried the whole way home," says McColligan. "And a lot of that summer." When she started at Loyola University Maryland that fall, she joined the dance team. "I threw myself into dancing jazz and hip hop—I had never done anything like that before. It opened my eyes to the fact that life goes on after you leave ballet." She graduated in May 2019 with a bachelor's degree in journalism, public relations and advertising, and is now pursuing a journalism career.

Finding Happiness After Ballet

While still in Birmingham, Fogarty decided she wanted a career in health science. "But I didn't know if I even liked science classes, because I hadn't taken a proper science class in years!" The first steps of her transition were two years in junior college back home in Northern California and counseling for her body-image issues. She's now a senior at the University of California, Berkeley, majoring in integrative biology. "I haven't regretted my decision once," she says. "I miss certain aspects of ballet, but I'm so happy, and I feel so much healthier now, mentally and physically." She keeps ballet in her life by giving private lessons, and she shared her journey at a TEDxBerkeley talk this past spring.

As for Pullen, she relocated to Los Angeles, where she's studying yoga and earning a bachelor's degree through St. Mary's College of California's LEAP program. And she's slowly getting back into the art form she loves. "I had the itch to dance again," she says, "so I'm going to make it happen. But on my own terms and in my own way." Today, she credits ballet with much of her success and, indeed, her happiness. "As a dancer, you have so many strengths that you don't even realize," she says. "If you can do ballet, you can do anything."

In college at Loyola University of Maryland, Julia McColligan joined the dance team. Courtesy McColligan.

Live Your Best Life Now

Creating a happy and balanced life now will help prevent ballet burnout.

Branch out. Spending time with non-ballet friends, volunteering and going to movies and concerts relieve stress and expand your awareness of the world.

Build self-esteem in a variety of ways. After leaving Colorado Ballet, Alexandra Pullen got an internship at Los Angeles Magazine. When her first article was published, she says, "it was amazing to feel competent and successful in a different realm."

Be kind to your body. Pursuing unattainable "perfection" undermines health, damages self-esteem and takes the joy out of ballet. Today, Miko Fogarty says, "I am inspired by how amazing the human body is."

If you want a ballet career, learn the ropes. "You have to make sure you can handle all the challenges that come with being a professional dancer," says Manhattan Youth Ballet alumna Julia McColligan, from handling audition rejections to paying bills. The more you know in advance, the better you can prepare for a demanding career—or feel good about choosing a different path.

Take stock of everything you've gaining from ballet. "Ballet taught me discipline, respect, time management and teamwork, and what it means to work hard," says McColligan. "It prepared me so much for life."

Alexandra Pullen. Shelly Xu, Courtesy Pullen.

Opting Out

If you're yearning to take a break, or considering quitting ballet altogether, here are some ways to promote a positive outcome.

Make a list. Toby Diamond, PhD, consulting psychologist with Pacific Northwest Ballet School, has students fold a piece of paper in half and write "Reasons for Staying in Ballet" on one side, and "Reasons for Leaving Ballet" on the other. "Put down anything you think of, even if it seems silly, like 'I love the pink toe shoes,' " she says. Revisit your list after a month. Are your reasons for staying or leaving still relevant?

Make another list. "Before you quit, research what you want to do next," recommends Miko Fogarty. A career coach can help narrow down your options.

Consider counseling. A psychologist can help you work through the grief and identity loss that can come with letting go of a lifelong dream.

Give it time. "I recommend to students that are having these quandaries that they finish the term," says Diamond, "because closure is very helpful, and they could have a change of heart."

Remember: It's okay. "A lot of us are scared of change," says Fogarty. "But sometimes change is the best thing you can do for yourself."

Latest Posts

James Barkley, Courtesy Dance for Change

Take Class From Celebrated Black Dancers and Raise Money for the NAACP Through Dance for Change

Since the nationwide fight against racial inequality took center stage in May, organizations across the dance world have been looking for meaningful ways to show their support, rather than fall back on empty social media signifiers. July 10-11, Diamante Ballet Dancewear is taking action with Dance for Change, a two-day event dedicated to fundraising for the NAACP, and amplifying the voices of Black professional dancers.

Organized by Diamante Ballet Dancewear's founder, Nashville Ballet 2 dancer Isichel Perez, and Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre teacher Elise Gillum, Dance for Change makes it easy to participate. Dancers need only to make a donation to the NAACP (in any amount) and email proof to diamante.ballet@gmail.com to be given online access to a full schedule of Zoom master classes taught by Black pros artists. Teachers include Ballet Memphis' George Sanders, Boston Ballet's Daniel Durrett, Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre's Corey Bourbonniere, and more. "It's important that we amplify BIPOC voices during this time, and it's also important that we're conscious of where we're putting our dollars," says Bourbonniere. "Diamante is doing both with Dance for Change, and I'm honored to be in this talented group of melanated dancers."

Keep reading SHOW LESS
Vikki Sloviter

Sydney Dolan Takes Center Stage at Pennsylvania Ballet

This is Pointe's Summer 2020 cover story. You can subscribe to the magazine here, or click here to purchase this issue.

Just days before the world shuttered under the strain of the coronavirus pandemic, and the curtain came down indefinitely on dance companies everywhere, Pennsylvania Ballet soloist Sydney Dolan debuted Gamzatti in La Bayadère with captivating ease. Her jumps soared, her technique was sound, and her cheeky smile paired with exquisite port de bras was beguiling. Though she didn't know the company would soon cancel the remainder of its season, her beautiful performance acted as a kind of send-off into the unknown.

Dolan's career could be described in one word: charmed. At just 19 years old, she's flown through the ranks at PAB, debuted a long list of roles, won a Princess Grace Award and been named one of Dance Magazine's "25 to Watch." Yet it's her challenges that have shaped not only her training but her outlook, giving her a solid foundation for becoming one of Pennsylvania Ballet's rising stars.

Keep reading SHOW LESS
Courtesy de Roos

SAB Student Founds Dancewear Nonprofit to Help Others in Need

When School of American Ballet student Alexandra de Roos was 8 years old, she placed a collection box at her dance studio for others to donate their gently used dancewear. De Roos, now 17, has since turned that single collection box into a nonprofit organization that aims to minimize economic barriers in the performing arts with free dancewear and classes.

De Roos' organization, Peace Love Leotards, has collected about $2,600 of new and gently-used dancewear and $2,000 in grants and donations since formally launching in April. Dancers or studio owners can request items through a form on the organization's website.

"I knew that dancewear was really expensive and that a lot of students might not be able to do the thing that they love because it's cost-prohibitive," de Roos said. "I really wanted to create something to allow people to have the same experience of the love and joy of dance that I've been so grateful to have."

After SAB shifted its winter term online amid the COVID-19 pandemic, de Roos decided to expand Peace Love Leotards. She reached out to dance companies, resulting in partnerships with brands including Jo+Jax, Lone Reed Designs, RubiaWear and Wear Moi.

"To have them be like 'We want to help you with this and we love this idea and what you're doing is amazing,' that was really exciting to me," she said. "It was very heartwarming."

Jordan Reed, the creator of custom dancewear brand Lone Reed Designs, said she has donated seven items to Peace Love Leotards with plans to donate more consistently every quarter. Custom leotards often retail at higher prices, but Reed, a former Houston Ballet corps member, said the one-of-a-kind clothing offers an "extra bit of confidence, which can go more than a long way in a dancer's journey of training."

Paul Plesh, a sales director for Wear Moi in the United States and Canada, said the company donated 11 leotards after finding Peace Love Leotards' mission to be "commendable." Joey Dowling-Fakhrieh, the founder and creative director of Jo+Jax, said dancewear "can make a significant impact on a student's confidence, as well as how much they enjoy the process of learning dance."

De Roos has worked to expand Peace Love Leotards, Inc. rapidly in the past few months, but she first created the organization at eight years old after participating in a mentorship program with competitors in the Miss Florida and Miss Florida's Outstanding Teen pageants. The pageants, which are part of the Miss America Organization, require competitors to have personal platforms they advocate for as titleholders. As a competition dancer, de Roos instantly thought about the cost barriers to dance when wondering what her own future platform would be.

De Roos said she and her young classmates often outgrew nearly brand-new dancewear, so she approached her studio's owner about placing a collection box at the studio.

Barbara Mizell, who owns Barbara's Centré for Dance in Florida, said she was unsurprised by de Roos' proposal. De Roos always had "such a way of pushing herself and she never forgot those around her," Mizell said. As the box filled up, she distributed the dancewear to others at the studio, local schools with dance programs, and the local YMCA.

"When they could start to see that it was providing happiness for others, then it was almost like the kids couldn't wait to donate," Mizell said.

Nearly a decade after the Miss Florida organization inspired her to launch Peace Love Leotards, de Roos is now a titleholder herself, as Miss Gainesville's Outstanding Teen 2020. Her new mission for Peace Love Leotards is applying for grants, and she has already received a $1,000 grant from the Delores Barr Weaver Legacy Fund that will be used to fund a Title 1 school class.

"The whole organization behind Peace Love Leotards is the dancers," de Roos said. "Being able to help the dancers that are in need and being able to think about the dancewear that they're going to be receiving or have received has been truly amazing."

Editors' Picks